Here's to the Past, Present and Future

whoooops. looks like i haven't blogged in a while. I've been wanting to blog for quite some time now but lately my life has been pretty dull. softball is over now so i thought i would blog just to blog.

My past two months-

• have been doing nothing but softball and hanging with softball friends
• the boy I've liked for foooorreevvverr, i'm finally giving up on
• re-discovered how much i love the scriptures, prayer and the atonement
• has shown me that moving to rexburg will be the best thing that will ever happen to me
• found out my one of my best friends eli is moving to rexburg as well. (:
• and of course had more friend trouble

I'm honestly amazed with how absolutely great some of my friends are.

and other friends i'm completely disgusted with.

enough said?

My next two months-

• I get to start over
• I'm getting two cute yorkie puppies that i couldn't be more excited for (:
• I GET MY OWN SPACE
• keep rediscovering my love for the gospel
• it will be summer. nuff said
• i'll be making new friends and meeting new boys. YA BABY

SPRING BREAK

For my spring break I went to Vegas TWICE. once with my team and once for my best friends 16th birthday.

Sunday thoughts

Moving gets more and more real everyday. We're picking out all the details for our new house and starting to pack up. I still have extremely mixed feelings about it. Honestly though it's getting so much easier and I'm getting so so excited to move! The more I think about it, and with how things are going at pg, The more I realize I need somewhere to start completely new. New friends. New school new ideas. New ward. New me I don't like how people treat me here and I'm excited to change that in . I need a new me.

It's also starting to get easier because I feel like I'm getting more distant with my friends.. I don't mean too. I'm actually trying to get closer with a lot of people before I move. But it seems like the more I try, the farther they move away from me. I'm even debating if I want to move live in pg for the summer. I'm really wanting to just get away. AGH. I don't know haha.

I know this sounds horrible of me to say, but these last couple months have made me realize that my friends will be completely fine without me. It's kinda hard right now being here with them and knowing that cause it's really obvious that they don't. I know that when I leave though it will be easier to let everything go.

It's a secrect.

I don't even know what to say in this post except for that I'm totally falling for him and I can't stop thinking about it. Seriously. He is completely invading my thoughts. The only bad part is one of my friends has been in love with him for months. Which makes it a tad awkward. Which also means nobody knows because I don't want to seem like a bad friend to her. But it's so hard not talking about it to my friends. I don't really know what to do at this point.

Nothing

Nothing feels worse than having your best friend destroy your self esteem. Nothing

Such sweet nothing.

Honestly right now I have a millions thoughts buzzing around in my head right now. And I feel like the only way I can organize them is my blogging about it. It's such a stress relief to blog.

My first feeling is gratitude and sadness. A girl a my school recently took her own life. It was soo so heart breaking. Although I didn't know her personally, it ripped me apart to see my friends that knew her personally to go through something this traumatic. Chances like this give you time for a reality check. It makes you think of all the many things that you have to be grateful for. I'm so so grateful for my life and especially the gospel. I'm soo happy that I have it in my life.

It also made me think of everybody out there that feels like this poor girl did. I can't imagine this feeling of being lost and so lonely. It's so hard to imagine a body that feels so alone in this world that they wanted to come out of it. It really makes me think twice about what I say. And think more about people who need a simple hug.

Lastly I feel confused. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. I feel like everything I'm investing my time into gives me no reward in return. What am I doing here? And why? Why am I talking to you if I know that I shouldn't be. Why am I spendin so much time in softball. Do I want to play college ball? Or is this just a hobby. Does any of this even matter in long run? And if it doesn't then what does. I'm just livin on sweet nothing.

New Amigas

I don't really know how or why my group of best friends clicked with this group of best friends from Lindon so well. We've always kinda known who they these girls were. And we've always felt like they seemed like cool girls. And then one day they invited us over to one of the girls house (Haley's). Don't worry it wasn't creepy cause Haley Sarah Lindsey and Angela are pretty good friends. After about an hour of awkwardness, I felt like I had known these girls forever! We were all laughing and having SUCH. A good time. We had so much in common with them. We joke that they are our Lindon twins. Yaaa thats how much in common. Hahah. We've only hungout twice but I consider them some of my best friends. It's amazing what kind of people god has set up for us to meet. Truly, amazing.